It's a long one...3 months worth!!

Ok I know I know..it's been three months. Been in a funk...didn't have the moxi to write. Got my moxi back...and feel the need to vent.

Our summer got a very rough start. My mother in law sadly and devastatingly passed away. This has been the toughest, by far, three months of my life. We were with her in her last precious moments and have found it very hard to move on. I am not sure we have or are even ready to. But I don't know...it even feels weird sitting here writing because i guess I don't really want to leave that part of my life for fear I'm leaving her. Weird I know...anyone who has suffered a close devistating death knows what I mean. But I am here and I am going to blog..I need to.

Soooooo it's actually been a quiet few months for me. We took the kids on vacation to the beach (not a good place for DQ since she is afraid of bugs..all bugs). And we have spent time at the pool..and as a side note has been AWESOME because I am no longer a part of the disfunctionalpeiceofshitgoodfornothingfuking HOA!!! No need for applause :)

I have always been proud of my children, but this summer has just made me proud to tears. I am trying not to cry while I blog..so forgive me if this post is all over the place.

The lesson they learned, the loss that they suffered, the devastation that they witnessed was mind blowing. I guess there is no beating around the story...so I will just tell you 2 moments that will never leave my mind...and made me beam with pride for my children..the angels God blessed me with.

The (deep breath) Sunday before Mothers Day we were packing up to leave TN. My kids were not wanting to leave because of the state that Suzi was in. What I witnessed in them was bravery and pure honest love for their Nani. They said their goodbyes and they reluctantly got in the car and we left (leaving my hubby there) we all 4 cried..for a long time. Later that day she passed quietly and peacefully. My family was devastated. You know it's funny, no matter how "prepared" you think you are, when that person goes it is simply gut wrenching devastating.
During her funeral my 3 wonderful babies walked quietly to the alter and lit candles for her. As they walked back towards us I thought to myself "this is what being a proud parent feels like...this is it" I swear to God I could see her all around them surrounding them with love and pride. That moment will never leave my mind..and will forever bring me to tears. They have handled all this with such honesty and love and it's made me realize what a good fkn job we have done with these kids..it's a wow moment for sure.

Now highschooler is talking about nothing but joining the Marines, as his grandad did many years ago. My life is changing right before my eyes and to be honest peeps..I am not sure how to handle all this!! So in true mama frank fashion..I will bitch on bloggers...I will bitch on :) Happier lighter bitchier blogs to come:)

xoxo