Let me just start this bog by saying..if you are sensitive to bad language or references to "the facts of life""birds an the bees" ... then don't read on..cause this on is a doozie :)
So this morning about 5am I was awoken by my Chihuahua Franki. He was pacing and whining. So I brought him downstairs to let him out. Upon letting him out I saw that he had poopied on my carpet. No big surprise there since sometimes during the night he'll do that if forget to let him out for his nightly "dooties". Ok..so when he comes in I notice that he is acting reeeeally weird. His back was arched and he kept running from me. He was acting like his back legs were gonna give out or like he knew he was in BIG trouble. I watched him all morning..running from me and hiding.
About 9am I had Had it. I was so worried about him. We have heard of Chi's getting bit by things like spiders and such and dying. So I was scared that maybe this had happened to him. I kept asking him what was wrong...but like a male he kept it bottled up inside. So off to the vets we go.
The whole way there I am thinking the worst. What if he got bit and he dies in my arms..omg I can't handle that..he is my chi..my buddy..my baby. What if he has eaten something and its all wrapped up inside and they are going to have to perform surgery..what do I do? Well..there goes our Dave Ramsey budget if that's the case...cause I am SAVING this chi.
So I get in the office...and with a sense of panic in my voice I say.."this is Franki Frank we are here to see the vet..something is seriously wrong with this dog." After about 5 minutes they let us into the exam room. I am describing what has happened and what I think is wrong. The vet asks "has he eaten anything plastic?" NO I say (he had but I was trying to avoid an x-ray in my beliefs that they will x-ray for ANYTHING so they can get your money) After a bunch of other questions he said it could be one of two things....
1. He has a kidney stone...so lets do an x-ray to make sure it's not.
The vet does not go into the second reason...and off Franki goes for an x-ray. I am panicking. This is it...there is something in his belly that they are gonna have to remove..it was the pen the dam kitten grabbed off the kitchen table and franki ate it..dam kitten..I'll be sure to let it know how mad I am when I get home. Or it could be kidney stones...omg I am gonna have to give him medicine..and he'll be sick..my poooor baby.
He is back from the xray..everything looks good!! (of course it does..that was $65)
2. He could be experiencing "little man" syndrome.
What the fuck is little man syndrome I ask... now pissed that I am here. Little man syndrome is basically a large amount of testosterone in a small body. Now mind you I am getting this whole senario described to me by a 300 pound man that has his pants jacked up to his chin with all his goodies clearly outlined by his all to tight pants. My God...why are vets the weirdest people ever? He is saying that all men have the same amount of testosterone in their bodies...but "large" men can control it better then "small" men. I guess small men in his opinion are horney little f**kers. And apparently if you jack your pants up your ass all the way to your chin you can "control" it.
"does he hump a lot?"..."has he been around a dog in heat?" the vet asks
"no...but we call him Sirhumpalot...cause he was humping anything and everything furry"..."I have made that a bad behavior in the house so he doesn't hump anymore" I say.
"Well..basically Franki has a hrd on and because you've made that a bad behavior he is scared to let it out...and therefore is feeling confused as to what to do." OMG...
We left there $114 poorer...and with an antibiotic in case he has a urinary tract infection. Bummer they are not "de"hard on pills...I can not believe that all that worrying and all that panic for a hard on!!!! I should have known from his behavior...the low sad head..the sad face..the look of fear of rejection in his eyes..the mopey behavior. Dam it ....I should have known when he wouldn't tell me what was wrong.
OMG...WTF !!!!!!!!!!!
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